Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Anger and attention seeking

I think, that I have anorexia because I'm attention seeking and cus I'm angry.

Angry at myself
Angry at my family
Angry at my life
Angry at the world


Just angry. So I'm taking it out on myself.

Not eating. Not letting myself relax. Self harming. Pushing myself past exhaustion. Being mean to myself.

I think I'm just angry.

And attention seeking.

I've always had attention, due to my CF. In fact, it's been my sister that's been forgotten about... Or not forgotten. Just, I've gotten more attention then her.

I've hidden the self harm scars and I hid the anorexia for a goid while before anyone Realised. And I hid the truth about how I was getting worse, now in revmcovery.
But I still think I'm attention seeking.

Today - I got very angry, and suddenly. The house looked messy. So I resorted to cleaning. It helped. I focused on something else. And then when I was done, it was tidy and all the angry feelings gone.

I find that I can go into panic if it's messy around me.

I think somewhere, I wanted some sort of attention, or I was so angry pr something..... So I decided to inflict this damage upon myself.....

It's just a theory. A guess.

??

Night everyone

X

2 comments:

  1. That makes sense, I see that in myself too actually.

    Well, I'm off to Europe tomorrow... :D I'm so so so excited it's crazy. So I won't be reading or commenting for the ten days i'll be there, but i'll come check how you're doing and tell you about my trip when I get back :D haha. So now I have to get to bed, I have to get up again in 3 hours to go because I have a really early flight :) So I really hope things go well for you the next 10 days, I'll talk to you when I come back! :)

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  2. Jag tror fortfarande att låg självkänsla är problemet. Det ger ett otroligt stort bekräftelsebehov från andra eftersom man inte har lärt sig att bekräfta sig själv.
    Du borde testa att läsa Du äger! av Mia Törnblom, bara för att se om du känner igen dig ;) Det gjorde jag och plötsligt förstod jag varför jag var som jag var.

    Hoppas du får en bra söndag! :)

    ReplyDelete